I know everyone hates angsty rants on journals like this, but I thought I'd use the oppurtunity to vent. I know I have a lovely, shiny life really, but fuck it. I'm a teenager, I'm allowed to be miserable sometimes.
First, before you understand this rant, you should know a bit about my life. I'm a Scots laddie, born in Irvine General Hospital in Ayrshire, raised by my Mum from East Kilbride, and my Dad from Bellshill. Despite the fact my name is Irish, I'm as Scottish as they come. I feel Scottish, I am Scottish.
Except for one slight complication...
I've spent most of my life away from Scotland, first in Lincolnshire, then in South Wales, then in Worcester. I've spent most of my life south of the border, bloody hell, I can hardly remember my life in Scotland. I was 5 when I left. I'm almost 16 now. 11 years away from my "home". 4 different towns, 3 different countries, 6 different houses. Mini-lives, seperate yet the same. I go back to Scotland to see my extended family 1 or 2 times a year, for a week at a time. I still have about 98% of my old Scottish accent. In the words of my uncle, "Tell ye whit son, I wouldn't believe that you'd spent most of your life in England if I didn't know you"
I never want to lose my accent, it's quite possibly the only thing that I really, deeply care about. I fear death less than losing my accent.
And now we're moving again, in the Summer, this time to Ireland, Cork to be precise. I really don't care about moving to Ireland, which surprised me, I like Worcester, but I've never really felt like it was my home. Just a place I live. I'll miss the people obviously, but that's it.
What's happened now though, is suddenly I feel incredibly homesick. It's never happened to me before, I miss Scotland, but it's not something I dwelled on. It's got to the point where it's hard to watch a sports game at Hampden Park, or Ibrox, or Celtic Park, or Murrayfield on the TV. Or watch Taggart, or Still Game. Anything in fact a) set in Scotland, or b) has people with a Scottish accent in it.
I also have some kind of weird, slow-burning resentment against people who live in Scotland. When I hear people complain about how crap their life in Scotland is, I feel like grabbing them and screaming, "AT LEAST YOU'RE FUCKING THERE!" It scares me a wee bit.
I feel at peace in Scotland, I know as soon as I'm in Scotland, because...it's hard to describe, but...I feel home. I feel Scotland rushing up into my feet, and go "Fuck yes". I feel happy in Scotland, in a way I never can be when I'm anywhere else. I'm also very, some might say, worryingly...patriotic. Whenever Scotland are doing, or playing anything, I let people know I support it, and I care about it.
Another thing that's always pissed me off, although thankfully it's rare, are Scottish people that say I'm not Scottish, because I've lived the way I've lived. That really hurts me, I couldn't give a shit if some English wanker gives me shite because I'm Scottish. But if a Scottish person gives me shite, I hate it.
Fuck it, I know the statistics say I'm better off living here. I know that the crime rate is lower here, and the health rate and life expectency is higher. I know I have a nice, stable Labour government (as much as I disagree with it) rather than the ballsed-up coalition shite up there. I know I can walk down Worcester high street and not get beaten up because I'm wearing the wrong colour sports shirt. And I know that, by and large, most of my friends up in Scotland are depressed, borderline neurotic lunatics, drinking and smoking their lives away into a great big black hole. (Well, not all of them, but you know who you are. Maybe I just know some fucking weird people, ah well!)
Okay, rant over. I might have pissed off a lot of people with that rant, but meh! Like I said, everybody dispises angsty rants, but people still make them. Count me as one of them. This is probably incredibly attention seeking too, ah well.
So, in conclusion, if anyone wants to give me free train tickets to Glasgow Central, it would be much appreciated.
Oh, I almost forgot, more deviations soon. Although, this might count as a Deviation in itself.
Grrr.
