G-News Presenter: And now, In our usual weekly supplement, we give you the opinions of various men across the political spectrum on a major event in this weeks headlines. Today in our panel of experts we have Geoffrey Dott XI, of the Guardian newspaper. Also on our panel, Sleaze McBall of the Sun. Lord Ascot of the Daily Mail, and Panzergruppenfuhrer Herr Gerber of the Daily Express.

Guardian: Hi.

Daily Mail: Hello.

Daily Express: Don’t talk to me!

The Sun: Heya. (mock-sexy voice)

G-News Presenter: Now that we’ve introduced you, will the panel please direct their eyes to the sheet of paper, showing the details of today’s point of debate, in front of them. For the benefit of the audience, today’s point of debate is about the vicious criminal “Butcher” McGee, who has recently been arrested and deported for a string of grotesque murders in sheep-farms across the country. I’ll get your opinions one by one, Geoffrey…?

Geoffrey: Well…***coughs***…well, now you see. Of course it would be simpler if everybody merely thought of this man as a criminal, a lunatic, but I think that is merely evading the reality of the situation. In truth, this man probably started out with limited opportunities, perhaps he had experiences with alcoholism, or a broken family, or some other form of abuse. Therefore, this man is a victim of his circumstances. It does not do anyone any favours to simply lock him up and throw away the key. He should be taken under the wing of society, not merely cast out. He should be taught the error of his ways, rehabilitated, he should be given the opportunities he was denied. He can be a perfectly functional member of society, if only society accepts him.

G-News Presenter: Thank you, and now…Sleaze McBall.

Sleaze: Well, I think people are looking at this the wrong way entirely. Yes, people have died, and yes, it is a tragedy. But, this Butcher McGee represents a disturbing and....potentially steamy storyline. We know that his chosen places to stalk were, sheep farms. Has anyone considered why this might be? The man may have had deviant tendencies, and his suppression of said deviant tendencies, said tendencies been a taste for sheep, may have driven him to commit these barbaric acts. I imagine he may have partaken in say, sordid 4-in-bed action with various prominent sheep. Therefore, he should be allowed to confess these acts, his deviancy, to us, and we will pay him a large sum of money for this service. I mean, Page 3 is all well and good, but it’s getting old now. We need something even raunchier to pull in the masses.

G-News Presenter: Well, glad to see the spirit of enterprise is as strong as ever, and now to Lord Ascot.

Lord Ascot: Well, this is frightening, very frightening. It is yet another case of society being allowed to fall into the hands of criminals and those with no respect for their superiors. People need to know their place, otherwise there is anarchy. This Butcher McGee is a screenshot into a society without discipline or a class system, brutal, the great unwashed allowing their own despicable urges to overcome all reason and noble thought. So, this man is not the issue, the issue is the left wing culture of chaos, ill discipline and no respect.

Geoffrey: Now, see here…

Lord Ascot: And the left, instead of admitting responsibility and righting their wrongs, choose instead to dodge and avoid all responsibility.

Geoffrey: I am not avoiding responsibility; I am merely saying there are other ways.

Lord Ascot: Such as letting them out in the streets to offend again after a lecture and a slap on the wrist?

Geoffrey: Now, look, now you are just provocative.

G-News Presenter: Now now, there will be plenty of time for this in the open floor session and now…our final view, Panzergruppenfuhrer Herr Gerber gives us his view.

Herr Gerber: SEIG HEIL! ZEY ARE ENEMIES OF ZE STATE! ZEY ARE ZE FORCES OF ANARCHY! ZEY SHALT BE SHOWN NO MERCY! AVAST! YE VERMIN! THOU ART DEPRIVED OF THOU LIMBS! THOU NOSE SHALT BE BASHED IN AND ELECTRODES SHALT BE PLACED ON EITHER SIDE ON ZERE HEAD, AND VE SHALT FRY ZHERE BRAINS FROM ZHERE SKULLS! ZEY SHALT BE IMMERSED HEAD FIRST IN PIG OFFAL! ZEY SHALT EAT FAECES AND DRINK URINE! ZEY WILL BE TORN AS...

G-News: Shut up!

Geoffrey: Now you see, you see now, this is what happens when the forces of the right are allowed to be unleashed to their full extreme; no-one shall be safe from their iron fist.

Herr Gerber: I must warn you Communist, I have a wide variety of anti-personnel weapons on my person.

Sleaze: Ah yes! But we sneaked a plant into a dustbin manufacturing company!

Lord Ascot: An artificial plant?

Sleaze: Yup!

Lord Ascot: YOU SIR, ARE A PLAGUE UPON SOCIETY!

Herr Gerber: START ZE REVOLUTION! DEATH TO ZE LEFTIST SCUM!

***Herr Gerber stands up and lets off a hail of bullets. Screams and battle cries fade out to be replaced by battlefield noises. (Guns, artillery, tanks, explosions, aircraft, the more silly the better)***